That moment

Growing older and realizing that you haven’t actually changed much from when you were an adolescent. Beginning to see that even if you’ve been through so much, you’re still childish, still not able to make sense of the things that surround you, still not understanding that people see you different than you think they do.

Growing older and realizing that everyone that’s the same age as you are keep moving on with their lives, keep going on the path society creates for each and everyone of us. Except you… And in that moment you feel that nothing you did means anything, that all these years spent alive did not make a difference, that the things you went through did not help you grow up. That annoying moment when you realize you have no idea how to act or talk to people, that stupid moment when you see that the thing that ruined everything in every human contact you had all these years, was always… you…

Growing older and seeing that you have no idea how to react in a relationship, that you have no idea how to keep a conversation going, that what you thought to be smart was smart ages ago… That you were supposed to live in another time, decades ago, before you were born.

That moment when you are lying in bed thinking about everything, that moment when you have so many thoughts going through your head and you are not able to make sense of any of them. That moment when you realize that you have to change the way you think, the way you talk, the way you dress, the way you are just because people expect you to be they way everyone one else is. That moment when you realize that it’s your only way of survival in this cruel jungle that we call life, but, at the end of it all, you can’t change, or better yet, you don’t want to. Because, let’s face it, we all enjoy a bit of metaphorical pain from now and then…

That moment when other people don’t give you the benefit of a doubt because their impression about you was already created and can’t be changed, just because in real life, there is no “Undo” button… That moment when you try to fill the void with denial…

I hate that moment…

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d3vilgirl

Crazy kid in a weird grown up world! Perfect in my own way!

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