Nothing…

Writing has become something impossible, concentrating all my thoughts in one place gives me headaches. What could I possibly have to say? How is my life different than any other man or woman around me?

Why has opening up become such a pain in the… anyway, I don’t want to slip into a melancholic state of mind. Nothing seems to make me happy anymore, not even movies, not even music. What have I become?

I blame winter and the cold weather for my nostalgic mood and the laziness that has destroyed the joyful me. I have done absolutely nothing…

I’ll just stay inside my castle and wait for the beautiful, warm spring, with her flowers and butterflies. I like butterflies!

Oh, how I crave for some excitement and new things in my life…

Let’s talk

Let’s talk about the weather outside, about the sun that doesn’t shine no more. Let’s talk about the things I do, or don’t. Let’s talk about the times you’ve let me down and the times you’ll let me down.

Let’s just talk about what’s been up. Well, would you believe me if I said: “not much”? I keep trying to fit in this world of two. Yeah, meaning I keep seeing couples all around me, everywhere I go and I’m still alone. It has started to really bug me.

There’s too much I don’t understand, or maybe I do, I just don’t want to believe it, or maybe I look to much into things I should leave alone, maybe everything will take it’s place at some point.

I keep waiting for my big happy news, just a few days away. Just a couple of days until my future is decided. I started with an optimistic smile on this path, now, that smile keeps fading away, and I keep thinking I’m given to rot in this frickin’ state of mind.

Ah, but hell, I must keep my head up, high, into the sky, and keep lying to myself that everything is going to go according to plan. Yes, I must.

Anyway, either than that, I went to see The Amsterdams in concert (again). So, if you wanna see some movies from that night just click here. I’m not a professional camera-man (or woman) so don’t start.

Oh yeah, so I don’t forget, on the 20th of November I will go see The Moood. I like them too, you should go too! It won’t be bad for you to listen to some good music for a change!

Looking for Prince Charming

Ever since I was a little girl, I used to read all those cute fairytales about a beautiful princess who falls in love with a beautiful prince, and they look pretty together, and they love each other from the moment they meet, no, actually they love each other before they even met.

And so I grew up thinking that some day, my prince charming will come riding a white horse, well, not exactly a horse, maybe a car, or even walk, either way, he would come. As I got older, I realized that my prince will never show up, because maybe he got lost on the way, or he found some else, and thought she was the princess for him.

Either way, looking for prince charming has become the last thing left for me to do. And no, I’m not pessimistic or whatever you might think, I just look around and am disappointed with what I see and hear and feel. It’s not the magic kingdom everyone talks about in books. It’s just lucky people and less unfortunate people, like myself. And no, things will never be how you want them to be just because you think everything is up to you. You will never change the way things move around you, just because you think you can.

Life is not only about you, you will always depend on things and people to make things work, and people will not always be nice and kind to help you out. Not all of us are special and just a few can actually make things better for themselves, just because they are good at something the rest has no idea about.

And no, advice is not needed or welcome. My life does not resemble yours, do not think you know me, do not dare to judge or think you might or will help me in anyway. No two people can, or will ever, have the same problem, or perceive things the same. My life, my feelings, my thoughts, my past, my memories. My way of saying: FUCK THIS!!!

Life

Do you know how it feels to meet someone, that special someone? That someone you feel you’ve known your whole life, the one who makes you feel good, who knows how to make you smile and even laugh. That someone you can talk to about anything without thinking he will judge you.

It’s a wonderful feeling, enjoying every word of his, every smile, every touch. But how does it feel when he says: I have to leave, I don’t know when I’ll come back…

You just stare in his eyes, and you ask without words: why?

It’s selfish to ask that he stays just for you as long as you just met. Even though, deep inside you feel he is the one, the soul mate people search for all their lives, the soul mate so many people don’t get the chance to find. And you found it, and it’s there, in front of you. But you know he will leave and probably never come back, and you want to wait for him, but you are so aware the fact that you are a human, and humans live surrounded by people, and even though you know you will never find someone the same, you will give him up the minute he walks out the door.

It’s sad how lonely we all actually are…