Humans and their feelings
You know that feeling when you meet someone new, and you like them, they like you but then comes the moment when you learn about the ex. The ex that ruined that said person that you like. And after this comes all the drama with: I was different before it happened, I was a sweet, innocent little child, but they've ruined me, they broke my heart, so from now on I'm this cruel bitch that has to punish everyone else for someone else's mistake and madness.
Well, I think that's just a load of crap. So, you trusted someone that let you down, so they broke you're heart, now tell me all about how you can never trust in people again, and how you'll never love again. Bullshit! I think that you're just that cold-hearted, that the person that "broke" you actually helped you to show your real self, or, you're just that weak and afraid that you think because someone made you feel sad and cry yourself to sleep many nights, you have the right to fuck other people up.
No, that doesn't give you any rights what-so-ever. The only thing that you can do, is man up and make sure next time you won't be as stupid as before. If someone broke your heart, cry, send them ugly messages or just ignore them. Don't take it out on someone that might actually like you and would try their best to fix your heart. Don't play with other people's feelings, because that way, you'll ruin them, and they will go around and do the same thing to others and at the end of it all, we'll be just a small planet full of heartbroken, bitchy, mean old people. Come to think of it... we already are!
It's hard to put yourself out there again, I know, been there, done that, but I'm still not the kind of person that just hurts other people just because someone else hurt me when I wasn't paying attention and I was busy falling in love. You get over it, you learn something and you find someone else that you like. You pay more attention to detail, heck, you might even want to try something new like: communication. Well, now that's a thought! Communication! Wow, if someone had ever thought about it before! Yeah, try to talk to the person next to you, don't be afraid you might scare them away, because if you do, guess what: it wasn't meant to be (or something to that effect).
I know you're afraid to end up alone, but really now, would you rather have a life full of arguments and fights than one without a fuss? Yeah, yeah, of course you'll choose the worst one. Oh well, I tried...
We try too much to find that special someone that we actually forget that they have to be what we like, and not something we just make peace with because it's too hard to find the one that's supposed to be ours. Yeah, it's hard, but it's like working on a sculpture, or a painting, or a book, or anything like that, it's hard work, but it comes out the way we want and it's good. So why settle for something with more flaws and less qualities just because it's easier?
We complicate the things that are supposed to be simple and we simplify the things that are supposed to be complicated. Life shouldn't be upside down!
Share on FacebookBullshit!
I thought you said we are friends, and still we talk only when you need to. I mean, I'm really happy for you, that you're in love and everything, but, why can't you just talk to me? You know I love you, yes, of course more than a friend, but I keep my feelings locked up, it's fine, you don't have to be afraid.
I agreed to be your friend, 'cus you said you don't need a relationship and complications and what not, but you should've said from the begining that you actually don't want a relationship with me. It's that so hard to say? Don't you know that if you tell someone: "you're a great person, fun and cool, but I'm not ready for anything more than a friendship right now!" that said person expects that at one point you'll want more and they stick around, waiting for that day. And then you go around and find someone else. Maybe that's stupid, and maybe that said person is stupid for thinking something they shouldn't have, but hey, it's your fault as much, you should have just say: "I don't like you that way!" It's so easy and yes it hurts, on the spot, but it goes away faster than an illusion of a false love and future expectations of happiness.
Why are people so afraid of saying what they really mean? Why are we all so scared of the truth? It sure hurts more to be lied to, and you know why that is? Because lies, always come clean at one point. And why are you so afraid? I'm not even sure what is that you're more afraid of: communicating, feeling, being loved or being heart broken. I wish you would actually see me as a friend, and not just say that because you think that's what I want to hear. I'm sure I'm not wrong, I might not always be right, but now I'm sure I am. Because you see, actions always say more than words... Something to think about...
Anyway, rambling on again, as always, at least if I write it here I won't have to worry about talking to myself, meaning that I'm going crazy. Right? Right!
P.S. Sometimes I wish I was a cartoon, or a book character...
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No, you don’t
You don’t know me. You think you do, but you don’t. You expect me to be something I’m not, you expect some things of me that are not in my nature. You think that what is normal to you has to be normal for me too. Well, I’m here to let you know that you’re wrong. Yeah, that’s right, I said it: you’re wrong. That happens even if you don’t want to admit it, and even more, it happens a lot to you. You just don’t see it; you’re just that much of a narcissist.
You don’t like me. You think you do, but you don’t. Because let’s face it, not knowing me implies that what you like about me is fake, is something you created by yourself, so, in conclusion not true. How can you say you like someone when every time they say something you disagree, no matter what it is, and especially when it’s a personal opinion? Judging and throwing stones at the person you say you like doesn’t show much likeness, does it? Liking someone just because you want to like someone is also not a good path to walk on. Why change a person just because your version of that said person is different? No, I’m sorry, but if you like me, then you like me because I am me and you like me in spite of my flaws and because, damn it, I do have some qualities.
Before you say some things and before you judge someone, try to think about it, try some alternatives to the question: why doesn’t it happen as I want it to? Maybe because you’re imagining things are not there, maybe because that specific person doesn’t feel the way you want them to, maybe… so many maybes. You know, contrary to popular belief, sometimes it is good to over think things, and no, not only in your own interest, sometimes, only sometimes, it’s good to get your head out of your butt and stop assuming you’re some sort of a God… and sometimes, only sometimes, it's good to understand that things can go wrong even if you try your best to make them go right…
Share on FacebookJust you…
How is it that every time I see your face I can only manage to remember the good things that we’ve been through even though the bad ones and your flaws are so much more and a million times worse? Ironically, from the multitude of people I have met throughout my life, somehow you are the only one that has managed to have a bigger impact on me than the people who are still in my life and have been for a long time. I just don’t understand, how come every time I remember your touch, your smile, your kiss, every time I think of you, there is a big void inside my stomach, and it’s eating its way around my brain. And when you think about it you weren’t even in my life that long, and in spite of all these things, you keep popping in my head whenever you feel like it. And you keep showing up in my life when I least expect it, and I keep thinking that when you do that, some weird way, you keep me from getting closer and from getting over you. How? Could you explain how you are able to do so? Why you? Of all the people, why you? Why me?
How is it that even though I’m aware of the flaws and wrongs of your being, somehow I’m still able to think that I care about you, that someday I could love you? And I actually end up wishing that you would let me do so.
Every time I want to let go, you keep fighting your way back in. The sad part of it all is that I know you don’t actually want to be here…
Share on FacebookThat moment
Growing older and realizing that you haven't actually changed much from when you were an adolescent. Beginning to see that even if you’ve been through so much, you’re still childish, still not able to make sense of the things that surround you, still not understanding that people see you different than you think they do.
Growing older and realizing that everyone that’s the same age as you are keep moving on with their lives, keep going on the path society creates for each and everyone of us. Except you… And in that moment you feel that nothing you did means anything, that all these years spent alive did not make a difference, that the things you went through did not help you grow up. That annoying moment when you realize you have no idea how to act or talk to people, that stupid moment when you see that the thing that ruined everything in every human contact you had all these years, was always… you…
Growing older and seeing that you have no idea how to react in a relationship, that you have no idea how to keep a conversation going, that what you thought to be smart was smart ages ago… That you were supposed to live in another time, decades ago, before you were born.
That moment when you are lying in bed thinking about everything, that moment when you have so many thoughts going through your head and you are not able to make sense of any of them. That moment when you realize that you have to change the way you think, the way you talk, the way you dress, the way you are just because people expect you to be they way everyone one else is. That moment when you realize that it's your only way of survival in this cruel jungle that we call life, but, at the end of it all, you can’t change, or better yet, you don’t want to. Because, let’s face it, we all enjoy a bit of metaphorical pain from now and then…
That moment when other people don’t give you the benefit of a doubt because their impression about you was already created and can’t be changed, just because in real life, there is no “Undo” button… That moment when you try to fill the void with denial...
I hate that moment…
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